And that problem would be me. So I decided that I should resuscitate this blog, after having first deserted it for another blog and then given up blogging altogether. To be completely honest, I'd forgotten that this blog ever existed and kind of stumbled upon it by accident. I had a read through some of my old posts and came to the disturbing conclusion that I am myself somewhat disturbed.
I think that I would go as far as to say that I need a good slap in the face. How many times can one person question the same thing? Seriously, get your act together and accept the situation that you're in and make the best of it. Or if you don't like it, do something about it and make a change.
I did make a change, I guess. Not a planned one, I kind of ended up moving to Brussels, by accident more than anything. I didn't move away from Stockholm so much as took a bit of a break from it. Had an amazing five months in Brussels, where I, naturally, continued my criticizing of all things I could think of, but nonetheless enjoyed myself thoroughly. Again I met some amazing people that again I will miss greatly. I don't know why I keep putting myself in this situation. I mean moving temporarily to new places is hardly going to help me settle down.
I wasn't completely sure about the whole moving to Brussels business. Yes it was tempting and awfully exciting to get a chance to work in the European Parliament, but I had also finally started liking my semi-settled down life and I had started feeling at home in Stockholm. But of course I went, how could I not? And I do not regret it for a second, even if I often question what the hell I got out of it, other than alcohol poisoning and a bunch of friends, that in all honesty I really didn't need. When I say didn't need, I mean that if I hadn't met them I wouldn't have known that I liked them and wouldn't be missing them now that I'm back home.
Back home and unemployed AGAIN, may I add. This is where I start questioning my decision just a little. I quit a job to work as a trainee for five months, because it seemed exciting. That is so very mature. The consequence is that I am now, at the age of 27, back to living with my mother while looking for a new job. And what makes matters even more wonderful is that I have managed to make myself over-qualified for the more basic jobs and under-qualified for the more advanced jobs (a consequence of having changed paths too many times in my not so long university/work career). So basically there are no jobs out there for me.
So the lesson learned here is this: Well actually I haven't learned anything. I have learned that I should stop questioning everything, but at the same time I know that I wouldn't have been happy if I hadn't gone, so really that makes no difference. And I still want to move back to London occasionally. And I always want to move to New York, but I won't. And to Barcelona. And perhaps Berlin even though I've never been there. Still the place I'm applying for jobs in is Stockholm. Even though I wouldn't really mind staying here either. Or perhaps I should go back to Brussels?
I think that the only place that I will truly want to move back to is England. I cannot tell you why, because when I lived there god knows I had many things to complain about. Yet I have this dream of a Victorian house, in the outskirts of London, with an English country garden, a milk man that delivers milk to my door, weekend strolls around the many markets of London, pub lunches, pub pints and cheese and onion chips.
I guess I want all that, but at the moment I prefer the comfort of being at home. Not this home, but in Sweden. Because whenever I am abroad I miss Sweden. And no matter how many times I move to new places, the only truth is this: It's always the same. I always have fun, I always make friends easily, but life is the same. It's always the same. I take walks, I see friends, I drink beer, I work. I mean life doesn't change just because the setting does. Generally. So what the hell is the point, then? This I tell myself again and again. And then I forget and start questioning again.
And this is where that good slap in the face would come in handy.