Wanting everything and nothing at the same time

I like Stockholm, especially when the sun is shining. I think I could like it even more if I had a job I enjoyed, more money and less studying to do. I dislike the fact that Stockholm is so far north that winter is eternally long, I wish Stockholm had markets to go to and I wish I had more time to do all the things I want to do.

I adore London, no matter where I end up living in the future, London will always be my second home and I will always miss it, despite the poor living standards. Now I might have an opportunity to move back there, and I can't decide whether to go for it or now, if I'm given the opportunity. Granted, I have no idea if anything will actually come out of this opportunity, and if it doesn't, I'm not sure if I'd go on applying for other jobs myself. Because if I do, I'd be making a conscious choice to leave Stockholm and the people I know here.

And why would I want to leave some of my best friends voluntarily?

I'm also tempted to move back to Malmö, to live a settled down life and have Sunday dinner with my mom every week. But truth be told, I know that I wouldn't be happy in Malmö in the long run. Yes my mom lives there, and another one of my best friends, but that's about it. Right now one of my best friends from uni is living there too, but I'm pretty sure she won't be staying too long.

Why does a part of me want a fancy career in London, and another a settled down life in Malmö, while a third part of me just wants to stay where I am right now, albeit with another job? And why does it feel like no matter what I finally decide to do, I'll be letting someone down? And why is it so hard to know what is the right thing to do?

Guess there's no point in worrying before I know anything, but it's really hard not to. It's hard being a grown-up, I wish someone could just tell me what to do and what would make me happy. Then again, as soon as someone does try to tell me what to do, it annoys the hell out of me, so I guess I'm better off making my own decisions. But still, it's pretty damn hard.